


Broken flame

by Crystalwithershield



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Book 2: A Court of Mist and Fury, Book 3: A Court of Wings and Ruin, Book 4: A Court of Silver Flames, Drunk Nesta Archeron, Heavy Angst, Light Angst, Nesta Archeron-centric, Oblivious Nesta Archeron, Other, POV Nesta Archeron, Pre-Book 1: A Court of Thorns and Roses, Pre-Book 3.5: A Court of Frost and Starlight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28474770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystalwithershield/pseuds/Crystalwithershield
Summary: Flame in her eyes and her heart transformed to a cold one. A stoned heart unable to love or to be loved.
Relationships: Elain Archeron & Feyre Archeron & Nesta Archeron, Elain Archeron & Nesta Archeron, Feyre Archeron & Nesta Archeron, Nesta Archeron/Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Other(s), Nesta Archeron/Tomas Mandray
Kudos: 16





	Broken flame

That night the starts didn't twinkle brightly with their starlight in the court of dreams. Infact, everyone in there had a dim mood. 

The people of Velaris had been waiting for their mighty leaders to come back , after they got to know that the war with Hybern was over. 

At first they saw their high lord , flying high in the night sky, with his mate, followed by their beloved Mor, Cassian and Azriel, along with Elain, the female who was a sister to the high lady.

Atlast they saw the tiny ancient lady Amren, with another female who looked like the high lady. 

Everyone , were happy to be back in their home , except for her, who had been looking down at the gravel path. 

She seemed....quiet and still. Nobody noticed her stillness, and quietness.

In a moment or two, they all were standing on the balcony, the Illyrians by flying and the rest by winnowing, where all of them were looking down and waving to their subjects.

The high Lord , Rhysand and the high Lady , Feyre , soon started to give a short speech about their Journey, and the war.

" We are happy to reach back home safely - "

Cassian took a hold of her arm, before she went inside. She shook away his hand, " Where are you going Nesta ? " he whispered.

" Inside " she jerked her head towards her room, and went inside her room, which had become cold and dark. 

**  
" I am hungry " Mor whined.   
" Can't we have some good food now? We are clean already . "

As soon as they came inside, they went in their rooms and took a long warm bath, to ease their pain and sprains through the fight in the war. 

Atlast, they all gathered up at the table, where they all had been talking , trying to ease the impact of the war. 

" Mother above, you are so impatient- " Cassian stopped mid sentence when he saw Nesta had entered to join them. 

He quickly surveyed the seats and noted that only one seat was empty , which was beside him and Elain. 

This dinner was not going to be a ordinary one , he thought And added " Nesta why don't you join us?" Politely.

Nesta didn't reply or say anything. She only gave a quick glance to where she had to sit, and went away to sit on the chair.

She remained silent and was staring at her empty plate. As soon as Nuala and Cerridwen, got dinner, Elain helped Nesta to some serving. 

Rhysand raised a glass and said " to us ". Everyone except for Nesta repeated and drank the wine whole-heartedly.

Nesta quietly ate in small bites , between long breaks. 

Cassian was the only who noticed this pattern, and tried to take her hand in his, which was under the table.

As soon as it came in contact, she flinched away. Cass was confused. He didn't know about what status of relationship with Nesta he was in. 

He remembered kissing her , but now .... He seemed clueless. 

Nesta on the other hand remained focused on her plate. Nobody dared to talk to her. 

Suddenly Cassian said " Nesta please - " with concern. In return she stood up quietly, dismissing everyone else who had been looking at her. 

Nesta went inside back to her room, and shut herself in.

Tears poured down her eyes. All the events of the past came crashing down on her. Elain 's broken engagement , Cassian's broken wings, her father's broken body , her mother's broken health-

Broken, broken , broken 

She was broke herself now. She sat in the corner, her head on her knees and sobbed quietly. 

" Nesta , come out please " Elain knocked on the door. Nesta didn't bother to answer her. 

Elain knew what she was going through and tried to say " I love you sister , and I'll help you like you did when I was.... " When her voice trailed down, to hear her muffled response.

Nesta managed to respond " I don't need your pathetic help " coldy, without a whimper. 

She heard Elain going back , and continued to cry. She didn't deserve to love anyone. Anyone whom she loved , or whoever loved her , either died or were damaged beyond repair. 

Her mother, whom had always remained strict with them, whom she always loved in return. And when she confessed that she loved her alot, and to not go away , on her death bed , she had passed away.

Afterwards when she thought that maybe Things might not be bad with Tomas , where he had asked her whether she was alright , his hands on her shoulders , to show his concern, made her feel that maybe someone loved her.

But soon his hand was trailing down to her breasts, his eyes on them , rather than her made her lash out at him, which destroyed their relationship forever.

She had always been so hopeful, that maybe it will be alright with him, but after this it was over.

Her love and understanding with her sister , made her other sister's engagement go wrong. she had agreed to help Feyre out , and in turn they were turned to Feys, who were hated by everyone in their village. 

And now , her father, whom she had been so angry with , all those years where he never cared for her or for her sisters, showed up on the battlefield. because he wanted to make up for all of it.

He wanted Nesta to finally talk to him, to finally acknowledge him with love. Nesta understood her Father , and was ready to forgive him, her love was far more stronger than her rage which allowed her to finally talk to him, after almost 10 years. 

But at that moment hybern had butchered him, taking everyone she loved away from her. 

She remembered Feyre telling her that she can talk to the bones of the dead. Her powers were connected to death. 

Maybe this was her fate. Whoever she loved will meet their destruction in the most brutal way. Maybe this was her power. Bringing people to their death by luring them to here love. 

Pools of tears rolled down her eyes. She wiped her tears away. And decided to not stay with them. 

The people she was capable to hurt now were her sisters and him. She couldn't possibly risk another chance to make him almost loose his life again.

At first he almost lost his wings, and then.... After they kissed his life was in danger. Hybern was standing right infront of them. He was barely an inch away before killing him. 

She sobbed the whole night spending her time to gather her thoughts on what to do next. 

Nesta remained in her room for two whole days crying or not moving and not eating anything. Elain and Feyre had asked her to eat something from the other side of the door.  
She dismissed them by arranging her words in the most brutal way possible. 

Once Cassian came as well. But she shut them out. everyone whom she loved now would never reach her heart, 

Like they couldn't reach her because of the door in between. Which now became a wall, seperating and protecting them.

She tried to grow shards of cold ice around her heart, which would prevent all of them from loving her at all. 

That would save them. She thought.

On the third night, she gathered up the clothes and some money lying around in a small bag , and left the house without saying a goodbye.

After midnight, everyone were asleep. She went away quietly , by going down a thousand stairs, that took much of her energy.

She deserved all the pain, she had given to others. She was brutal on herself now.

She didn't eat, didn't drink water, didn't take a bath, didn't take care of herself. She didn't bother to change her dress as well.

Nesta didn't need to write a message to them, for it was clear to all . Don't talk to me. Don't try to contact me. Stay away.

On her way to buy an apartment , in the middle of the night,she saw a bar. 

The bartender gave her some alcohol, which made her feel something. Bit better she thought. She drank more and more, unless she saw that only some coins were left for her. 

Nesta went away, tears slipping down her eyes. 

Her vision was blurry , and she almost collapsed when someone took hold of her. A fae male she didn't recognise.

Clearly he looked drunk. And his intentions were not good at all.

" Get away from me " she snapped at him, and kicked him, just like how Cassian had taught her to.

Clearly it made an effect on him , cause The fae male shouted " bitch " at her , and went along in his own buisness.

She cried more, and at last saw an apartment, which was not in a good condition.

Nobody lived there. So she decided to go and inhabit that place. Nesta had two bottles in her hand, which she bought before coming out of the bar , and put them on the table, as she came inside

The room was not much but it was clean. There was a small bedroom inside, where she collapsed. Her vision became blurry, untill darkness, her old long old friend from the manor when her mother had died, swallowed her.

She dreamed about Devlon calling her a witch, and then Cassian coming to kiss her. As soon as their lips touched, she felt his become lifeless. 

she cried because of what she had done , and didn't understand how it happened.

Then Elain and Feyre came to hold her, in the house of the wind. As soon as Nesta hugged them, they turned to dust. She understood then that she had a Midas touch.

She touched herself on her heart, where she slowly vanished from existence herself.

Nesta woke up screaming.

She was shivering hard , but didn't have the courage to build a fire. She thought for a long time and went outside.

Ok the streets, she saw a lowly fae male who was drunk himself. She pulled him towards her and kissed him hard. 

Making him lead on to do whatever he wanted to do with her. She dragged him inside , in her bedroom where she let him touch her.

She didn't care who he was, or whether she felt good or bad. She just needed something to go through the night. And then she came to a conclusion for it to be a one-night stand.

Back in the village, if Someone tried to touch her, she would lash at them, and scream and would fight till her last breath, like she did with Tomas.

But now, she didn't care. The stranger could kill her for all she wanted. But she decided to never have the same nightstand, which might make some sort of connection in between them. 

No, that was the thing she was trying to avoid. Connections. Affectionate behaviour with her. Sex was not affectionate with them. With all the night stands she had. It was brutal and harsh.

It was purely out of satisfaction of the fae males. Nesta on the other hand did it to escape the night. 

In the day she would drink, alot , to escape her misery. 

She was a coward she believed, but accepted herself as one. Nesta was defeated at last. 

Her flame of love in her heart slowly extinguished , because of the cold shields she had put around her heart.

Flame in her eyes and her heart transforming to a cold one, which made her reckless and unable to be happy at all.

A stoned heart , unable to love or to be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first try on angst. Thank you for reading it.


End file.
